How the Grinch Steals Children

Nobody hopes to find The Respondent book under the tree Christmas morning. But for someone going through divorce, it’s the greatest gift you could ever give

For many, this Thanksgiving weekend kicks off the year’s golden days of feasts, family and friends. But for those forced to trade silver bells for silver bullets, it can be a time of emotional famine and isolation.  

By silver bullets, I mean the wielding of false allegations of physical or sexual violence as a weapon to capture cash and prizes (where children are obscenely treated as such) in a divorce proceeding. As a strategy to gain the upper hand in Western world divorce, silver bullet tactics have become so pervasive they’ve earned their own nickname. And in the family court back rooms where families are shredded, the silver bullet is an open secret, prescribed to clients by unscrupulous divorce lawyers like a family doctor might dispense Vicodin for a sore back. (“Ask your lawyer if it’s right for you!”) While I’m making light of it here, in the real world there’s nothing funny about it, as too many victims know all too well. Silver bullet strategies destroy lives and steal children from the safe arms of good parents.

In The Respondent, Greg Ellis unspools his horrific journey through the US family law catacombs as he tries in vain to hold on to his children while dodging these bullets in the unforgiving world of Hollywood. In some ways the book is a whodunit thriller. But also, as Greg describes it, it’s a memoir, a meditation on modern parenthood and sexual politics, and a manifesto about the societal fissures that would allow such a corrupt and ruthless divorce industry to manifest in broad daylight over decades—and what might be done about it.

Johnny Depp, whose own painful struggle with Amber Heard became sordid cable news fodder for months, says in the book’s introduction: “If you’re trapped in the dungeon that is the family court system, The Respondent should be your constant companion.” Yet Depp’s glowing review doesn’t mean Greg’s story is only relatable to movie stars. On the contrary, what makes his story so powerful is its universality, as evidenced by the hundreds of verified 5-star Amazon reviews written by everyday readers around the globe.

For example, this one by Emma: “Heartbreaking, honest and tragic. A must-read for us all! What an amazing snapshot of divorce. I wasn’t prepared for the emotional weight of Greg’s story. He bares his soul, warts and all. And pulls back the façade for an unflinching look at divorce court. There were so many stunning moments in this book. It read like a memoir but I walked away feeling like I’ve been blind to what’s been happening to families.”

I stumbled through my own difficult divorce, enduring poisoned slings and arrows, and only making it through to the other side with the help of family. Recently my father learned his lifelong friend’s son was in free-fall down the family court breach. Often men aren’t very well equipped to discuss the emotional terrain of a family dissolution, and this was the case between my father and his friend, as well as this friend and his son. But behind the mask, my dad saw a familiar desperation carved into his friend’s face, and next time they met, my dad came armed with The Respondent. He handed it off like a football with only the words, trust me. Two weeks later, his friend told him: “I read it in three days and immediately ordered a copy for my son. He read it in two days. That was just what he needed. I can’t thank you enough.”

This isn’t an isolated case. The reviewers on Amazon are filled with brothers, sisters, parents and grandparents of those caught in the system. If you know someone flailing in the wake of a difficult divorce, or even contemplating divorce or in denial about a fraying relationship, The Respondent can be a godsend. Granted, you won’t want to wrap it up in shiny paper with a curly ribbon—it’s just not that kind of gift. You’ll want to quietly send it a friend via Amazon with your offer of support (and a recommendation she doesn’t necessarily read it on Christmas morning). Or you’ll want to stop by and give your friend a big hug and hand him The Respondent, like my father did.

“If you don’t personally know anyone wrestling with family law, chances are you know someone who does, so if there’s one of our Substacks you share with others this season, please make it this one,” Greg said recently. “This can be a miserable time of year for parents trapped in bad circumstances. Hundreds of people have told me the book was like a life raft that kept them afloat during battles they didn’t want to wage.”

No, the book won’t make the hearts of any the Grinches of family law grow three sizes like in the classic Christmas tale. But it will serve as an antidote against wretched souls intent on stealing children from their beds and keeping them from the arms of loving parents during the holidays—and all the other days that should have been golden.

Buy The Respondent today. It comes in hardcover, paperback, and in a unique audio experience with Greg Ellis reading and other surprises.

And stay tuned for excerpts from The Respondent in upcoming Substacks.